tales of Suchita

I have never failed at anything.

No, I am not being a pompous ass.

I haven’t failed at anything because I haven’t done very many things or tried to achieve very many things. I have always been terrified of failure and as a consequence, I have either not tried things in which I may fail or left things half-done because if I don’t complete them, I have technically neither failed nor succeeded.

One of the reasons I never had goals was this fear. I had ambitions sure – big ones – but never any concrete plans of action. On the flip side, maybe none of the trials and tribulations I have been through have seemed like failure because the goal wasn’t worthy enough.

It wasn’t until 2 years ago when I was forced to reevaluate what I was doing with my life. Looking back, it feels like until that moment, I had been drifting, perhaps like a shadow [an obscure reference to the character Shadow from American Gods], not really living. It seemed like I had failed at life itself.

Things have changed since then. It is difficult nay impossible to pin-point what has changed or how it happened. It was a moment of rebirth as cliche as it sounds. I have only just begun to piece together how it all came about with this post: What’s your story?

I have a goal now – writing – which seems worthy enough to fight all my demons and fears. So worthy is this goal that I am confident I will fail in it miserably and it is perhaps the fear that propels the creativity and keeps me coming back. As my friend (the ever wise MP) said, even if it doesn’t work out, you will never stop. You cannot stop. Not now, not when what you are doing is so important to you.

I also have (surprise, surprise) a goal for 2018. Again it is terrifying – the what ifs never seem to stop. But I had an epiphany about goals and it is that that is keeping me sane and moving forward.

It is this: having a goal means always having it in the back of your mind so whatever you do, every little thing you do, is towards achieving a part of that goal pie. And in the end, it may surprise you to know that a goal is achieved by doing small things – just like baking a pie – and not one sweeping gesture.

PS: the epiphany came while I was writing it. It is amazing what writing can do when you become a conduit and let your hands do the talking.

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Written as a part of #ChatterPrompts