tales of Suchita

trigger warning: betrayal and suicide

I closed my heart a long time ago
when you left me for another
You said you won’t leave me
You said you’ll love me forever
You said I was yours and you were mine
All the while you were deceiving me
while I was falling in love with your lies.

The deception I could have forgiven
The loss I could have borne
But you made a fool of me and my emotions
as I cried for you
And you laughed in the arms of another.

I was going to be a painter
But I left it behind…for you
Fool that I was to hitch my wagon to yours.

You will live happily after with your other
I will never find another
For no one, not even you, can answer my question
Why, why me, what did I do to deserve the deception
when all my crime amounted to was falling in love with you?

I lost myself
I lost my art
And for that I shall always remain despite my cleverness
the person who was left at the altar
by the one who loved another.

And this crime I could never forgive.
You took away my dignity
I could have fought that
You took away my innocence
I couldn’t change that
But you took away my solace, my art, my love, my heart
And slaughtered it under your boot.
I have seen you show more compassion to a fly
then why, why me, what did I do wrong?

I see you now, with your other
laughing, happy and I am helpless
Because you left me no tools to fight.
No crime can be bigger than that of breaking a heart
and you my love are my criminal.
Now I only wait for Justice to do Her bit
But I know deep in my bones
even that won’t fix what you broke.
I lie here awake, by my candle-light
Bleeding on this paper
It may be the knife that wounded me
Remember love, it was you who murdered me.

I would have wished you well
I would have blessed your life with happiness
A broken heart is of no use here though
It doesn’t know how to beat.
So as the blood leeches out onto this paper
I hope we meet again in case Justice doesn’t catch up with you
And then I’d ask you:
Remember me? I was the one you left for another.
Tell me love, tell me at least that it was worth it.

I do wonder how you’d respond
I do wonder which I’d prefer
But the light glows dim
As my hands feel numb
And my eyes grow dark
Out brief candle
My story here has bled out
I must go for the All-Father is here.

Paradise I may be headed for
But I could have had that here
How sad that all I have left moments before I’m burnt out
are anger, grief and could-haves
I wonder if you’ll shed a tear at my demise…
maybe that would be my perfect revenge
a grain of salt in the tapestry of your happiness
Gone but not forgotten
Dead yet alive
Unloved yet loved enough to deserve a single tear
Out brief candle
My story here has bled out.

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Written as part of AtoZ. For more, check the Theme Reveal 2020 – 26 Letters of Love.