Telling someone I’m a writer has always gotten me a mix bag of responses. Some people look at me with envy. Some look at me with pity. Sometimes people will talk about how much the idea of writing scares them. Many times, I will hear a variation of: I have this amazing story – why don’t you write it for me.
Occasionally I’m confronted with questions and statements that make my brain buffer, like YouTube trying to play a video despite having no internet connection. Here are some of my favourites:
How do you write
False answer: Oh, you know, everything around inspires me and when something clicks I’ll make a note of it. I then make an outline and begin drafting. Depending on what I’m writing it usually takes me about 2 hours to 2 months to complete. Te-he.
Actual answer: Lots of staring at blank pages or walls. Hugs help. Crying and screaming are sure fire ways of getting the creative juices flowing.
I want to begin writing too. Give me some tips!
False answer: Start by finding a topic you’re interested in, then do some research. Figure out what you want to say on the topic, write, edit and you’re done.
Actual answer: Hahaha you don’t have the self-discipline to stop scrolling on social media and you want to write? Gods, good luck with that.
I don’t read as much, I can’t concentrate. Can I still write?
False answer: Uh sure. Of course, you can. I mean, reading captions on social media and WhatsApp messages count as reading.
Actual answer: Don’t read it seems. Can’t concentrate – what a perfect excuse. Aroint thee peasant from in front of mine eyes. Never ever tell me to read something you have written. Gah!
How do I improve my writing? Don’t say reading!
False answer: Oh, but reading is the best way to improve your writing. If you don’t read then how will you learn?
Actual answer: If you really want to improve your writing, you don’t just have to read more books. You also have to write more, study the craft of writing, understand the nuances of language, improve your vocabulary and grammar and consume all kinds of diverse content so your mind can expand and hold ideas that aren’t just cheap copies. Also, how much time do you have? I can keep going…
Does anyone read anymore?
False answer: LOL, sheepish face, change topic.
Actual answer: LOL. Leave this person immediately in the company of someone else. I don’t need this kind of toxicity in my life.
You write so well!
False answer: Really? Thank you so much, you made my day *add appropriate emoji*
Actual answer: Really? What did you like about it? Was it the second paragraph? Or did you like the climax? Perhaps it was the characters, setting, humour, plot? I need a hundred-thousand-word essay from you detailing out exactly what you liked so I can pick it apart while also bask in the praise.
Have you published something?
False answer: *Looks at blog, the self-published books and the anthology participation* Oh, you know, here and there. Why don’t I interest you in…
Actual answer: It is because of questions like these that I now must write this blog post on questions you should never, ever, ask a writer. Effing nosy person, go back to your scrolling.
Since we’re all buddies here, I’m sure you have had similar experiences. Tell me a question you were asked and the *real* answer you wish you could have given!
This post is a part of Blogchatter Half Marathon 2023
tales of Suchita 
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