tales of Suchita

Over the twenty-seven years of my existence, I have gathered precious nuggets of wisdom from my father (aka the Toothless Dinosaur) and I have decided you will benefit from this share. It is of course completely up to you how you choose to receive this information. I received it in all seriousness.

Pooping and farting right – There was a time when my dad would spread the newspaper on the dining table and read it with one of his legs on the table. When asked, he said he was only trying to coax along the matter in its downward journey and once it had been collected, it would drop without much ado.

For farting, you need to be aware of when it’s coming. If you’re sitting, you need to tilt (right or left only matters when someone is sitting next to you – tilt in their direction, of course) so it is given a freeway and all of it is released in one go. You don’t want to be carrying around noxious gas in your system now do you?

On happiness – Sabse zyada maza kab ata hai? When you’re polishing your boots. Though it’s a menial job, you can see the fruits of your labour almost immediately and that causes happiness.

How to know he is the one? Anytime anyone gets married, he asks them a simple question: ghanti baji? According to him, the only way to decide if someone is meant for you is if you can hear an orchestra announcing the love train arriving on the marriage platform.

Answering questions 101 – His modus operandi to answer uncomfortable questions is to ask his own set of uncomfortable questions!

He is our go to person when we cannot decide if we should buy something. We seek his approval right from buying lipsticks to sneakers to phones to purses. And he crosses this minefield with aplomb. He will look at our face to judge if we want it and based on that he will aye or nay. In case he gets it wrong, he will say, very sweetly, you want it? Then buy it. Usually this is enough to nudge us to take a call.

Defender of the hapless – In school, when my mother was trying to teach me ‘speed distance time’ or ‘work’ or otherwise known as ‘the torturous Arithmetic’ my dad came to my defense saying leave it, even I didn’t understand it when I was young. How will she?

Moves like Jagger – You do NOT want to see him dancing. And yet he is the most not self-conscious person I have met. Even though he cannot dance, it doesn’t stop him from bursting into one in front of everyone…at weddings…where people are taking videos…

Being your own person – My father and I are alike: we don’t like to talk, we love to have our space and occasionally we don’t mind interacting with other humans. He has never found anything wrong with it and as a result, neither have I.