tales of Suchita

The door is open
On one side I stand
And on the other you.

Behind me is my life
Arranged just the way I like and
In front of me is your judgment.

My hopes feel childish to you
My dreams not big enough
It pains you that I am happy.

I have learnt to be happy
Without you and with just me
And it angers you that I am enough.

So you pity me
You pity my loveless life
Which has just me, and no room for you.

You cannot fathom that I
Put myself together when the
Destruction you caused had been so thorough.

You sneer, you shame
You rave, you rant
What you don’t see is your hollow crown.

I, on the other hand,
Do pity you as you
Have not learnt to live without me.

One last look
And I close the door
On you, your insecurities, and your pity.

I cry, because it hurt
To stand stoic
To put myself together.

But I did it
For I didn’t have a choice
You left me with none.

No, wait…I do not pity you
Nor do I ask for pity
For we were in this together.

I do thank you though
Because you introduced me
To Strength and Resolve.

Now I am here
In my house and a door
With a life that I want.

So do not pity me
I live exactly the way I want
Where less is more and enough.

I may have closed the door
On love and intimacy temporarily
But I will open it.

It will not open a day
Before I am ready for it to be open
And when it does, the choice will be all mine.

Choice…do not pity my choices
Because at last they are mine alone
Made to appease me, and no other.

This is the price of freedom
Choice and consequence
And I will pay it gladly.

Once the debt to myself is paid
That door will open
And let in the love and light.

Until then, I make my choices
I live my consequences and life
And I keep moving forward.

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Written as part of AtoZ. For more, check the Theme Reveal 2020 – 26 Letters of Love.