tales of Suchita

All the love that I had
I trapped it deep inside
It hurt too much to remember
So I locked it away
Behind a sturdy wooden door
And threw away the key.

For long years and long nights
The door remained shut
The light trapped behind it
Struggling to find a chink
In the impenetrable armour
Unable to find the key.

I was like a soldier
Sword drawn
Defending the door like I’d
Defend my king’s keep
Only half alive
Unknowingly keeping myself prisoner.

Then a sweet voice said,
You can rest now soldier
Put down that sword
You have defended the door with
Honour and nobility
But it’s time now to summon the key.

Untrapping myself was easier
Than trapping had been
I released myself
Fearful of what I’d find inside.
The door sighed open with relief
Curious to explore what lay outside.

Love is not to be trapped, my sweet
Said the voice again
It’s purpose is to roam free
Over and under you
Let it engulf you in its arms
And remind you of what it means to love.

Happiness and sadness
Are but the sides of a coin
Love given, love taken,
Love unrequited but the forms it takes
The key, my sweet, is to let it happen
And go with the ebb and flow.

So love isn’t the trap? I asked.
And the voice said
That I recognised as mine,
The trap is to keep it locked up
To protect yourself
With layers of doors and locks.

It’s a paradox really
I thought with a laugh
Trying to defend the door
While keeping myself
Trapped behind it
Repeating over and over, it’s for your own good.

The door that I had released
Opened wider
Inviting me in even as I invited it out.
Love was free now to roam the lands
And fill it with its embrace
Turning a barren land into a fragrant spring.

There is work to be done yet
Cautioned the voice
The door may have stayed close
A little too long.
Don’t try to control it
Remember it’s about allowing yourself time.

Time…for what? I asked
Confused at the caution
Eager to get on the road
The voice sounding too close
To the earlier cautions and traps
As I made to pick up my sword again.

Give yourself time, my sweet
To adjust, to let it flow
To let it find its place
Which it will, with your help
But in your haste
Don’t trap it behind another door, with another set of locks and keys.

Eagerness tampered with wisdom
I nodded and went about discovering
This part of myself
That I had always known existed
Had known it trapped between pages
Ready now to be read.

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Written as part of AtoZ. For more, check the Theme Reveal 2020 – 26 Letters of Love.