Ishaqzaade

It took two months for Chanderi to purge her system of Chiranjeev. After sixty days in purgatory, life found its rhythm and the ache she’d sometimes feel seeing the empty side of her bed settled. It helped that she was thoroughly occupied by Pihu’s wedding. Today was a special day because the bride-to-be would be visiting to see the designs she had painstakingly prepared.

She usually emailed these designs but in special cases, when her instinct told her it would be better to show them face to face, she made the effort of doing an offline meeting. With Pihu, she absolutely needed to see her face and clock all micro reactions to everything she was shown. She did not want Pihu to approve anything simply because she had worked hard on it. It was her job to make sure Pihu was happy.

Pihu and Prachal came to the house at noon. Chanderi ushered them into her studio which had already been prepared in anticipation. There were two stools in front of the wide screen TV on which she would be projecting the designs so they could see all the details she had drawn along borders and sleeves and dupattas and…well…it had taken her two months to get everything just right and okay, the ceremony of presentation was as much for her as it was for them.

“You really didn’t have to do all this,” said Pihu, pink in the cheeks when Shanta di brought in a tray of tea and biscuits. 

“Hush. Now…let’s begin.”

*

Chanderi had been sceptical in the beginning when Pihu’s eyes shone for every design in front of her. But then, when she started to request skipping a few and revisiting others, she knew Pihu was taking the selection of her outfits seriously.

Two hours later, Pihu and Prachal were in one part of the studio with printouts of those designs they had absolutely loved. There were ten and now they needed to narrow it down to four so Chanderi could start working on them. She was glad their engagement would be almost one year long. That way, she had time to get everything done.

She was standing to one side of her bedroom-cum-studio, observing the two of them like she hadn’t had the opportunity before. This was an exercise she had recently undertaken. Two months ago, all she had wanted was to forget she had walked out on her wedding but now that she had some distance, she wanted to know just what had prompted her meltdown.

Noticing couples had been a way she had thought she’d begin her research. She hadn’t had any epiphanies so far but she had seen the easy way they existed around each other. It was like they had a language of their own and she found it fascinating to observe them.

She saw that same ease between Prachal and Pihu who were talking and looking animated. Then, Prachal did something that took her off guard. He helped Pihu adjust her left earring that had gotten stuck in her shirt collar. It was done so matter-of-factly that of course he would see and act on such a thing that Chanderi felt lightheaded.

Oh, she thought, quite uselessly.

She had known her first husband for precisely one month before she had agreed to marry him. He had everything she wanted and she had been convinced she didn’t need to know him more than that to know she’d be able to live with him.

It had taken her a year to accept she had made a mistake. It had taken her another six months to gather up the courage to say the words stuck in her throat: I need a divorce.

There had been nothing wrong with him. They were simply two people who existed in a house, together. She had more of a relationship with the didi who took care of them, fed them and cleaned after them than she did with her husband. She had understood that this wasn’t normal. It had taken her longer to accept she deserved better.

So, she had done things differently the second time around. Or so she had thought. The only difference had been she had given herself four months instead of one to say yes.

She didn’t love Chiranjeev, she was repeating the mistake she had already made, and her body thank god had saved her from a potential disaster.

The wisdom of her choice floored her and she broke out into cold sweat. She had thought she had grown since the divorce. But as it turned out, she hadn’t, at all.

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Chapter 9 of 26 of the ongoing series Chanderi. You can read all posts here. Written as part of #BlogchatterA2Z.