After leaving Ramshackle, Kilney finds himself in front of the townhouse he had purchased as a wedding gift. Even though they couldn’t really afford it, he wanted to make Gimby’s dream of living in a fancy house come true. Because that’s what you did when you loved someone.
He lets himself into the house. It’s in disrepair but the realtor had asked him to see its potential. As soon as he had been let in, he had known that together, they could turn it into a comfortable space for them and their children.
To have that dream so unceremoniously wrenched from him, Kilney feels unmoored. He settles onto the floor. He’s fine for a moment but then screams. He gets up, shrugs out of his coat, throws it on the floor, and fights with it. When that doesn’t dissipate the anger, he gives himself a sharp slap. That wakes him up and he picks up his beaten coat, locks the door securely behind him and heads home.
He isn’t surprised when he sees no trace of Gimby in their shared apartment. The mug she loves to drink her morning coffee in. The brightly coloured pillows. Her blue toothbrush. Black bath robe. All gone. He curls himself into a ball on the bed and weeps himself to sleep.
It takes him two days to convince her but Gimby agrees to meet him for a chat. He plans everything meticulously. The restaurant is the same one they went to when they first started dating. He’s wearing the shirt that she bought for their first anniversary, even though it has pineapples on it and he doesn’t like it. He has even pre-ordered their lunch because he knows how much she hates making these decisions. Everything about today is perfect.
He’s sitting on the chair facing the entrance. To his left is a window that overlooks the sea. It’s Gimby’s favourite table. She’s late but it’s only been five minutes so he’s not worried. When it hits the fifteen-minute mark, his forehead breaks into cold sweat. Is she really not coming?
Before he can work himself into a proper rage, she walks in. She looks just as lovely as she always does. Face round, small and filled with mischief. Her eyes have always been his favourite. She’s wearing a maroon dress, one he hasn’t seen before. It makes him wonder. If she dressed up, surely she has seen the error of her ways and wants to make amends?
The anger cools and in its place, there’s a magnanimity that surprises him. He’s so ready to forgive her, so ready for his victory, he does not see that Gimby is distant. She settles opposite him and he signals the waiter to bring in the wine and the bread. He expects her to smile but what he gets is an angry retort.
“Back at it already then?”
“Back at what?”
“Do you ever stop?”
He realizes this conversation isn’t going to go as he had hoped. His smile drops and a note of frigidity enters his voice.
“What did I do now? Are you going to explain or are you going to walk out…again?”
Gimble recoils as if slapped. She supposes she deserves his ire. “Hon…Kil…Rui…” She has no idea how to address him. That simple fact jolts her and tears prick her eyes. She loves him. Even now. Even though she has no plans to go back on her contract, she loves him.
“Darling,” he says, extending his hand, palm up. “Just talk to me, please. I’m sure we can sort it all out, together.”
She twists her fingers in her lap and doesn’t take his hand. She waits for him to withdraw before saying, “You never listen to me.”
“That’s not true. I always listen to you! How else would I know it’s Tuesday and on Tuesdays you like to drink white wine with a pasta carbonara?”
Gimble presses the heels of her hands to her eyes. “I’m not happy with you,” she says. “I…”
For once, he doesn’t interrupt. He sits there, sipping his wine, breaking the bread into tiny pieces so Gimby can eat them. She notices it and it makes her sick. There are so many subtle, unconscious habits that they have adopted to accommodate the other, losing pieces of themselves in the process.
“I was cleaning, the other day when I found a diary. I used to keep one in school. There was an entire section on Druvi…you know my…”
Despite everything, Kilney’s face softens. He’s the only one who knows about the intense feelings she had for a girl named Druvi in school and the fiasco that followed when her brother read her diary. He nods.
“The final entry was from ten years ago.” Her throat constricts and she can’t speak. She gulps her wine and stuffs her face with a piece of bread. “The entry said, Dear Gimby from the future. Remember your life’s dream is to travel the world as a theatre artist. In case you forget, here’s a reminder.”
Kilney waits for her to explain more but she doesn’t. So, he says, “I’m not sure I understand.”
Gimble laughs. “That entry opened a Pandora’s box. I realized I had so many dreams, so many things I wanted to do and be and see. I haven’t done any of them, Killy!”
Kilney makes a sound of protest. “That’s not true and you know it.”
“I’m a clerk. At a hospital. There’s nothing creative or impressive about it. My younger self would be so disappointed in me right now.”
“Okay first of all no one reaches where they had thought they would when they’re 18. When you’re 18, your dreams are just that, dreams. They’re not reality. And secondly, who says you cannot make amends now?”
She nods as she drains her glass of wine. “That’s what I’m doing with Ramshackle. Making amends.”
“No,” he says, frustrated that he lost the argument because of his own stupidity, “no, no, no. You’re checking out. You’re not making amends.”
She sits back in her chair, crossing her arms across her breast. “You don’t get to decide how I make amends.”
“I do get to decide because it involves us,” he points out.
“Look, I know you don’t understand. I just…don’t want to have regrets. I need to know there is more to life than following this path that has been laid out for me since I was a little girl.”
Kilney wants to ask her more questions. Not because he thinks he can change her mind but because he wants to understand. But seeing her agitation and deer-in-headlights look, he nods and lets it go. He will have a meal with her, probably their last, and not let her see how badly he is bruised.
7 of 26 of an ongoing series The Dream Maker. You can read all posts here. Written as part of #BlogchatterA2Z.
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tales of Suchita 
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