tales of Suchita

After the disaster of a lunch date, Kilney does not contact Gimble. Not to ask when she plans to honour the contract. Not even to say that he supports her. Because truth be told, he isn’t sure that he does.

He is in bed in the townhouse he has unwillingly put back on sale. His pyjamas have ridden to his calves, his t-shirt is bundled under his armpits and for a man who is grieving the loss of a dream, he seems to be sleeping peacefully.

As the clock strikes midnight, he bolts in bed, as if a hot poker has been unceremoniously pressed to his forehead. His left-hand reaches up, only to find sweat and hair. He sweeps his hair aside, looks at the empty bedside next to him and curls back into the blanket.

He knows she’s dead.

He doesn’t cry, he’s all out of tears. But his heart beats an echo like a part of it is empty. There is no trace of Gimble in the townhouse, not even her scent. Kilney has thought of buying her favourite perfume and drenching his pillow in it. But even he can recognize that would be going a bit too far.

He has never been a dreamer, being a practical man because that’s who his father was too. And yet he had planned and dreamed and wondered what his life would be like with her.

There is a house in this dream vision with a garden that is filled with petunias, roses and marigolds in the winter and laughing children and barking dogs in the summer. There are two cars – one for him and one for Gimby. He arrives late one evening…

His reminiscence is interrupted by a loud bang. He ignores it in favour of his daydream.

…parks his car and when he steps out, his shoe falls onto a squishy toy. In his dream, he laughs. He does not get angry at the ruckus or the scattered toys like his father used to. He does not rush to his bedroom, locking it behind him without greeting his child or wife. Instead, he walks in, a grin on his face, arms wide open as he sweeps…

The banging is accompanied by shouts now. He sighs and gets up. He walks through the silent house and opens the front door. It is Gimble’s parents. They look distraught, their eyes are red-rimmed and they seem grey. A vicious sense of triumph runs through him. They deserve it, he thinks, they deserve to be unhappy too.

He hasn’t bothered furnishing the house apart from essentials. The only room that has some semblance of furniture is the room he has commandeered as his bedroom while he tries to sell the house. Which is why, he takes Gimble’s parents there. They sit gingerly on his bed, looking around, as fresh tears leak from their eyes.

“This was going to be your gift, wasn’t it?” whispers her mother.

He shrugs in response. Since he could not punish Gimble, he’s going to punish her parents.

“It’s beautiful,” says her father, “she’d…she’d have been…” he dissolves into sobs.

Their grief is so raw that they are unable to comfort each other. Seeing them like this is like a balm to Kilney.

“How can I help?”

The mother is a short woman but her eyes, filled as they are with loathing, feel too big. “What did you do to our Gimby? You must have done…”

Before she can expend her anger, the father places his arm around her shoulder. He squeezes, whether to reassure or to warn her into silence Kilney is not sure.

Her father says, “We wanted to offer recompense for…well anything really. Just…” ask for something I can give without hurting my pride, he wants to say but doesn’t.

Kilney is speechless. Of all the things, he could not have predicted this. Suddenly his anger feels like a cruelty he can no longer inflict on them. His pride overwhelms it.

“I need nothing but thank you for offering.” He pre-empts their protests and continues, “I would like to remember the good times only and I’d ask you to keep me in your prayers. That’s all.”

The parents have nothing more to add, and Kilney has no resources like tea or biscuits to fall back on so the audience comes to an end.

Once they leave, he returns to bed and tries to conjure up the dream vision from before. The house, family, children…it all seems to have vanished. At that moment, he is enraged with Gimble for shattering his dream so completely. How can selfishness such as hers be a good thing? Did she even think about how her decision would affect the people around her?

He realizes his thoughts are going around in circles again. He stops himself with some difficulty. He will have to go back to Ramshackle, he thinks in horror. He is perhaps the only person who may understand what Kilney is going through.

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10 of 26 of an ongoing series The Dream Maker. You can read all posts here. Written as part of #BlogchatterA2Z.

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