tales of Suchita

This is the first A2Z that I am doing where I am least prepared. Maybe because it is my tenth year of doing this so I know I’ll manage? I have too much hope on myself but eh, let’s see how it goes.

Since I don’t have a theme reveal this year (I have had nine previously which just goes to show how perfectly nonchalant I am about this) I thought the very first blog post of 2026 and the letter A should be a free write.

I heard this quote from someone that says the best way of telling yourself that you’re alright is to tell a friend about it. Well, my blog is my friend and I haven’t done a free write in forever so here goes.

2025 and the first three months of 2026 have been weird. Not in a good or bad way which is why weird perfectly fits. Every time I feel I am going to fall, I don’t end up falling. I simply navigate whatever it is I am feeling or whatever it is I am doing and I just have this moment of huh. Nothing happened.

Which makes me believe that I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop for the past one year and…it hasn’t? Maybe that means it won’t? Can I trust this feeling though?

I don’t have words to articulate what it is I am feeling. Numb comes to mind often. But it feels like an inadequate word. My mentor tells me its because a chapter of my life has ended but a new one hasn’t begun so that liminal space also called limbo is making me uncomfortable. I am so wired to solve problems (hello elder daughter syndrome) that I don’t know what to do when I am asked to wait.

It’s also funny because it’s not like I am not moving. I am doing good work. I am exercising and I am proud to say I can hold a plank for 35 seconds without huffing and puffing too much. I am learning SO much, I am writing, I am reading…I am doing everything I want to but in a more mindful way. I am learning to not stress myself out anymore. I am learning to read myself better. I am learning – my mind is going to laugh at me – but I am learning to not be so hard on myself.

So honestly, nothing as such is wrong.

And yet I feel this constant sense of dread. I can’t even say it’s the world because I have the privilege of staying away from news as much as possible. Of course, I still see it from time to time and it hurts to see all the excuses we find to hate and kill each other.

I am reminded of this dialogue from Jab We Met where Kareena Kapoor says “jaise koi train chooth rahi hai” and oh my god, that’s what I am feeling too. This sense that I am forgetting something important but I don’t know what.

But if it’s important, shouldn’t I remember it?

Anyway, to cut a long ramble short. HA-HA. Welcome to the absolute disaster that is my mind that jumps from one point to another. Thankfully my team is used to it. I do this so often on calls where I will give one idea and that will unlock something and a barrage of ideas will pour out and Sona will give me this fond look like, Suchita, enough.

What was I saying? Yes. This A2Z is going to be as unhinged as this post. It’s going to be as imperfect as this free write. It is going to be as “all over the place” as this letter A post.

Maybe that’s the lesson here. To embrace the chaos and leave perfection behind. To let the free writes happen and to maybe loosen the iron control I have over what I say or don’t say. Well then.

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For Letter A, written as part of #BlogchatterA2Z