tales of Suchita

It can be so annoying when in the middle of your work day, where a million things are happening, you’re mentally planning for a trip and you’re 20% checked out of the system because it’s a Friday, you also have to pause and allow yourself to throw a tantrum.

I wonder what my child-self went through that it immediately needs me to stop whatever I am doing so I can pick her up and tell her, as seriously as I can, “there, there, this too shall pass.”

Because you know what is really annoying? How I am still learning to self-regulate when I am feeling too many things at once. I have to tell myself I’m okay. I have to label my feelings so I don’t spiral out of control. I have to maintain brain bandwidth to check-in on myself. And I have to coherently answer 7 unanswered chats.

You know what this reminds me of? I read this tweet that someone’s therapist told them to think of their mental health as a zoo and themselves as a zookeeper. So, you’re not taking care of yourself – which can be really hard – but you’re taking care of the tiger (anxious, smol you) and the tiger needs its cuddles right fucking now.

I like the analogy that my brain is a zoo. It definitely feels like that on most days – especially days where I am petrified I haven’t taken enough care of myself (am I hydrated enough? Did I eat enough carbs? Did I eat enough salt? Did I sleep enough? Am I stressed? Have I addressed what the tiger needs?) – and I worry what that may look like. In most cases, it looks like a debilitating headache.

I am very hard on myself; I am well aware of this fatal fault. I don’t let myself off the hook and I expect myself to give 200% and then I wonder why the tiger is trying to breach containment. Or why my peaceful panda is throwing its bamboo sticks at the tiger.

I think I am having more fun filling up my zoo than worrying about my mental health (or the point of this post) so let me do this properly.

Okay so if the tiger is small, anxious me, then the stick throwing panda is my anger. Frustration probably looks like a sloth trying to make a point and a rabbit is me with 15 open mental tabs. My restlessness is probably a dragon that wants to fly but has been told it’ll take 3 to 5 business days to get ground clearance.

Wow, this already brought a smile to my face and I feel so much better equipped to tend to my zoo.

So, there! Another free write for you – unhinged as promised – and now a question for you. What animals, plants, etc does your mental zoo comprise?

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For Letter I, written as part of #BlogchatterA2Z