When I was new to the process of learning about my mind, I had no idea what to expect from a therapist. I had thought I would go there, talk to her, she would do something and voila all will be well. It took me a while to understand that I needed to take an active role in this journey if I wanted results. Just going to a therapist and ranting at her was not going to help.

I am someone who is perhaps a little more empathetic than the average human. I am also someone who understands her brain better than the average human. I have, over the years, gathered tools that I can make use of to manage bad days. So it should not have come as a surprise to me when someone asked me, “why do you need to go to a therapist?”

And that’s when I realized that I need to write a post on how my therapists – even the ones I didn’t connect with – helped me.

It is easy, I have come to realize, to tell someone who is struggling to seek out help. But, the fear and the stigma aside, it is not easy to find the right therapist. There is the question of you sharing synergies with them as well. Much like Alia’s character in Dear Zindagi deciding to go to one specifically because he, like her, wore torn jeans, you too need to find someone whose methodology you can trust, who can make you feel safe and seen and heard.

It took me 3-4 tries before finding “the one” therapist I could connect with. I like her because she listens, does not talk down to me, and mostly focusses on helping me find a solution that works for me.

What a therapist can help you with

1. Take a step back and view your situation dispassionately
2. Untangle the knot of your thoughts and show you the one that needs immediate attention
3. Teach you how to help yourself by pointing out your triggers
4. See patterns you’re too stubborn to acknowledge
5. Teach you that it’s okay to not be okay

What a therapist cannot help you with

1. Actually doing the exercises/work/treatment plan she has prescribed
2. Reading your mind and figuring out what is bothering you
3. Self-acceptance, work and discipline
4. Lying about the progress (or lack of it) that you have made
5. Hurrying up or slowing down the healing process

Think of a therapist as a travel guide. They can point things out to you, tell you the history of a monument and show you the best spot for Instagram-worthy pictures but they cannot see these things for you. The actual seeing is still your job.

And much like a “proper” doctor, they can prescribe meds for the pain, but they cannot have them, neither can they work towards reducing the triggers that lead to the pain.

Have you been to a therapist? What’s your experience been like?

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This post is part of Blogchatter’s CauseAChatter

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Disclaimer: Though my previous posts too have only been about personal experiences, I feel this post requires a disclaimer. These are my experiences with therapists. If you have had a different kind of experience; that is completely valid too.