Let the past just disappear

Meenakshi was just sitting down for a marathon session of Mario Kart when her doorbell rang. Thinking she had misheard, since she wasn’t expecting company on a Friday night, she ignored it.

But then the bell rang again and she huffed, pausing her game to open the door. In front of her stood Subhash, her ex-husband. She hadn’t seen him in three years and even though they still had mutual friends, she hadn’t heard about him from them either. It was like he had fallen off the radar after their divorce.

She blinked owlishly at him, wondering if she was having a reality break and had conjured him on her doorstep. What were the chances that only a week ago, Arijit had mentioned Subhash and here he was standing in front of her?

“You’re not dreaming, I promise. I’m real,” he said, raising his hands, smiling.

She snorted. Her eyes roamed his face, taking in the white strands in the black, the hint of dark circles, a paunchy belly and dark lips: all evidence of his addiction. But there was a brightness in him that she hadn’t seen in a long time.

“What are you doing here?”

He didn’t seem put out by her question. The old Subhash would have bristled. This new version didn’t even lose his smile. “I just wanted to see you. And talk to you if you don’t mind.”

Meenakshi rolled her eyes. In this, he hadn’t changed then. “You could have called.”

“I wanted to see you.”

She rolled her shoulders and let him in. He waited for her to direct him to the small four-seater dining table she kept in her kitchen. She asked him if he’d like some tea and he nodded so enthusiastically, she had no choice but to brew two cuppas of Assam chai.

He took a sip, smacked his lips in appreciation and said, “Do you still have those chocolate biscuits you used to inhale when we were together?”

When she handed the bottle filled to the brim with the biscuits to him, he chuckled. “Good to know you’re still addicted to them.”

She wanted to ask him, again, why he had come to meet her instead of simply calling her but stopped herself. She was sure he would tell her by and by. So, she sat opposite him, with her tea cup in hand, studying him.

He ate three biscuits before keeping his cup aside. He was fidgety and nervous. She thought about how appropriate it would be to reach out to touch his hands when he abruptly pulled them into his lap.

Looking at his nails, he said, “I went to rehab. Arijit…are you still…”

“I am.”

“Right. Well, he found this place for me in Thailand. I was there for a year. Then I travelled a bit. I have been sober for a thousand days now. I came back to India only three months ago. I have been catching up with everyone since.”

The words came out in a rush and this time, Meenakshi didn’t hesitate. She reached out and he put his hands in hers. She squeezed. “I’m so glad you’re better today.”

He squeezed back. “Some days are harder than others. Today was a good day so I thought I’d come see you. I just wanted to see you.”

She took her hand back and sipped her tea. And because he had been vulnerable with her, she decided to give something of hers in return. “I took that job. I don’t know if you remember. In Avatar.”

“The gaming…oh wow that is so awesome!”

She couldn’t help but preen. It had been her greatest ambition and she had finally allowed herself the time and space to explore it. And she had been loving it ever since. “I have been learning coding so I can develop games too. It’s a long walk to reach there but…”

The hundred-watt smile on Subhash’s face told her how happy he was for her and something shifted inside her, something she hadn’t known was broken until now. She had gone to therapy, a year after their divorce, wondering if his addiction had been her fault. She had made peace with it but it was nice to see he was on a better path too.

There was silence for a moment and then, Meenakshi allowed herself to ask the question that was hovering between them. “So, now that you’re back, what’s next?”

They ended up having dinner together and another cup of Assam chai as they talked about surface-level things, future plans, congratulated each other on their wins and steered away from talking about anything related to three years ago or their marriage.

When he left, they made no promises to each other. Their chapter in each other’s lives was already read and done and it would serve no purpose to go back. They hugged, wished each other well and that was that.

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Song: Falling Apart by Michael Schulte

Check out the other posts for 2023 here. Written as part of #BlogchatterA2Z