tales of Suchita

My reading this year has been the slowest since 2018, when the sight of how few books I had read led to a mini panic attack. I have been reading non-stop ever since but by November 2025, I burnt myself out so thoroughly that even the sight of my beloved Kindle made me feel queasy.

The thing is, I didn’t think something I enjoy so much, that is akin to life itself for me, can lead to a burnout. Apparently, the wise people who said, “too much of anything is bad” really knew what they were talking about.

So, I made a choice in the beginning of 2026. I would not turn reading into a project. I unsubscribed from everything. I stopped trying to read 5 books a month. I did not sign up for any reading challenges despite their siren song. And the most surprising rule I made for myself: reading more of my favourite genres instead of trying to read everything.

The result: 4 months into 2026 and I have read 11 books. Before, I would have finished 25 and that’s not counting the dozens I would have DNF’d or read but never logged. It has been so hard to watch my Excel sheet not fill up the way it used to.

I am not unhappy with this development. Because its not like 11 books is a small number. I know I will still reach my usual goal of 30 by the end of the year. The reduced pressure has made reading more enjoyable. But as I type this, I am having an epiphany.

I realized sometime last year that I have a habit of turning inspiration into projects, especially when I am bored or afraid of being bored. Which is why the project usually starts with a bang before fizzling out like a candle in the breeze.

But the thing I am sitting with is this: creating projects stems from my fear of failure.

I turned reading into a project and perhaps it was required, perhaps in 2019 when I was rebuilding the habit, I needed the discipline of yearly, monthly and daily goals to ensure my commitment.

Now that I have picked up the habit, do I really need the same kind of regimentation?

I am so afraid that I will fall back into bad habits, that I will undo almost 7 years of hard work, that the break neck speed continued.

That’s quite telling, isn’t it – this poor confidence in my own ability to do something I want to do, unless rules are holding me in place.

I wonder what it would take to simply look at something I want to build and say: try. Not “this will probably fail but let me try anyway.” Just: try. And if it fails, come back and try differently.

That’s what this year has been trying to teach me: to be happy with slow and steady.

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For Letter Q, written as part of #BlogchatterA2Z