tales of Suchita

I have been in the field of alternate healing since I was 18 years old. I’m obviously still working on myself but there’s this weird obsession people have with results and cure expectations when it comes to healing.

I want to tell people that healing can look very different for different people. For me, it looks like an obsession with makeup.

I was an extremely self conscious teenager. I was conscious about my weight, the hair on my body, the fact I was a woman, that people looked at me and judged me. I also lived in a city where street harassment was commonplace, and my friend and I would often find some man following us around on a bike every time we went on a walk.

So maybe a part of it was self preservation as well. But then I shifted to a new city where it was safer, I grew up and I was learning to be okay. I thought I had made progress but crowds would still worry me. Were they looking at me? Did they think I was too fat? Too tall? Too much?

I realized I had to start working on myself more diligently. I can now see, 18 years later, as a 36 year old, that this shift happened very gradually and it started with a lipstick.

I hated wearing even gloss when I was in my early 20s. I was a teacher for a time then, and the day I’d wear one, my students would ask me, “Miss are you wearing something on your lips?” They weren’t being mean, they were curious. But it made me want to run away and hide. I stopped putting anything completely. I could barely wear kajal.

Then I discovered a beautiful nude lipstick at a duty free airport and it looked so pretty but so ordinary I started wearing it more often. Then a friend discovered a perfect pink-brown nude from Revlon (which we’re all still salty about being discontinued by the way) and it was like a new door had opened. We were obsessed and I must have finished at least two bottles of it before it was discontinued.

I slowly gathered the courage of wearing brighter colours on my lips, eyeliners and kajals. It became easier as I grew older.

Sometime in my 30s I started dipping my toes into foundations but I was not ready to see myself in makeup. A friend’s wedding became the perfect excuse to steal my mother’s products and try out a glam look. It was still understated but I think it unlocked something. This desire to learn how to be comfortable with makeup.

The desire was pushed further when my friends and I were getting ready for a night out and everyone was wearing mascara or concealer or foundation and here I was in my kajal and lipstick. But at least I had graduated to a dark maroon so small wins 😂

Anyway, I finally bought a foundation for myself as a birthday present in 2026 and oh the way my mind freaked out. It threw up all possible resistance at me wanting to wear makeup. You’re hiding. You don’t like your imperfections. How is this a good thing. You are changing yourself. This is the algorithm. And all I wanted was to feel presentable at a meeting by wearing a bit of foundation 😂

Cut to July 2026 and now I have a khazana of makeup products. It’s been interesting to see how my mind still goes into a tizzy every time I decide to wear makeup. At least now I don’t negotiate with the fear. I simply wait for my mind to finish throwing its tantrum before holding its hand and saying, there there. Would you like a hot beverage instead?

My next frontier? Not freaking out every time I feel like wearing red lipstick.

Eighteen years in healing work, and this is still what it looks like for me. Small. Slow. A lipstick at a time.

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26 July | 4:00–5:00 PM IST | On Zoom

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